Something that makes me happy:
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A blog from a mother, wife, photographer, and a child of God!
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Motherhood
So much different than what I thought it would be. I would watch everyone else and say, "I am not gonna be like that!" Yet, here I am struggling and trying my hardest. It's not simple. I believe I went into marriage and motherhood thinking it was easy. I wasn't blind, but I was a bit naive.
Ruthie was a bit unexpected. We weren't NOT preventing, but we sure didn't think it would happen so quickly. I was super excited, but also scared. I knew we weren't technically "ready", but are we ever? Everything was new. It was so much fun to experience everything as a first. I remember having the feeling that everything was going to be perfect. Pregnancy, birth, and motherhood. Little did I know that I would end up with gestational diabetes, a failed induction, and FINALLY an induction that worked. Breastfeeding was a very rough start, and an even rougher finish. I wanted to go as long as I could, but with working, I couldn't make enough. I was devastated.
Three years later we find out we are having a baby boy! What a blessing! I was so happy to have one of each, believing for sure I would be pregnant again. I had gestational diabetes again, but birth was MUCH easier this time around. I went into labor on my own and I even went natural! GASP! I couldn't believe it! Randy was a hard baby though. He had acid-reflex and spit up EVERYWHERE. We couldn't go anywhere b/c he thought he had to eat every 1.5 hours. He was still a blessing. He came after we lost Eli, so it was nice to have something positive to look forward to.
Raising them is so much harder than I imagined. I believe it's better though. Raising them to honor and glorify the Lord makes it harder, but so much more worth it. It wasn't until Ruthie was almost two that we found our amazing home church. If it weren't for the church and our amazing God, raising our kids might be easier, but not in the long run. Raising them to please the Lord makes us double check everything we do. It makes us think about things in the long run rather than temporary pleasure. We put family first. We are centered around Jesus. We may get looked down upon b/c we aren't at the ball fields every night, or we don't have them in dance or t-ball (only b/c they didn't want to), but it allows us to put our focus on raising our kids in HIS name. I am not saying ball games are bad. I am just so thankful that we aren't going to any right now b/c it is giving us time to be together when it truly matters.
Raising them is so scary to me. I always tease and say, "I know Jesus won't make me raise teenagers. I know He will come back before I have to!" What I really mean is, I am scared to death. If I think it's hard now, man oh man do I have something coming. I am fully aware of that. It also excites me. In fact, fostering teens is on our hearts. We are not in a financial spot at the moment, and we don't think our kids are ready, but our hearts are. I can not wait to get signed up. In fact, knowing that fostering is something in our future allows me to be ok (somewhat) with the fact that we may not have another biological child. I get told quite often that they couldn't handle sending them back. I know that will be hard, but I also remember that one little family for a short time can make a whole world of a difference. If I think being a mom is hard now, fostering AND having teenagers will be tough. BUT, I know that I can do anything through Christ Jesus.
I am so grateful to be the mother I am now. I fail daily. I usually go to bed hating myself for the way I was. I struggle with being a patient mom. I am also the yeller....I hate to admit that, but it's something I am working on. It is the most rewarding job though. To go to bed and snuggle with them and hear the sweet simple words, "I love you Mom! You are the best mom ever!" makes every struggle worth it. Thank you so much sweet Jesus for allowing me to raise Your children.
This is the moment that will be forever burned into my brain. My heart is overflowing with love.
Ruthie was a bit unexpected. We weren't NOT preventing, but we sure didn't think it would happen so quickly. I was super excited, but also scared. I knew we weren't technically "ready", but are we ever? Everything was new. It was so much fun to experience everything as a first. I remember having the feeling that everything was going to be perfect. Pregnancy, birth, and motherhood. Little did I know that I would end up with gestational diabetes, a failed induction, and FINALLY an induction that worked. Breastfeeding was a very rough start, and an even rougher finish. I wanted to go as long as I could, but with working, I couldn't make enough. I was devastated.
Three years later we find out we are having a baby boy! What a blessing! I was so happy to have one of each, believing for sure I would be pregnant again. I had gestational diabetes again, but birth was MUCH easier this time around. I went into labor on my own and I even went natural! GASP! I couldn't believe it! Randy was a hard baby though. He had acid-reflex and spit up EVERYWHERE. We couldn't go anywhere b/c he thought he had to eat every 1.5 hours. He was still a blessing. He came after we lost Eli, so it was nice to have something positive to look forward to.
Raising them is so much harder than I imagined. I believe it's better though. Raising them to honor and glorify the Lord makes it harder, but so much more worth it. It wasn't until Ruthie was almost two that we found our amazing home church. If it weren't for the church and our amazing God, raising our kids might be easier, but not in the long run. Raising them to please the Lord makes us double check everything we do. It makes us think about things in the long run rather than temporary pleasure. We put family first. We are centered around Jesus. We may get looked down upon b/c we aren't at the ball fields every night, or we don't have them in dance or t-ball (only b/c they didn't want to), but it allows us to put our focus on raising our kids in HIS name. I am not saying ball games are bad. I am just so thankful that we aren't going to any right now b/c it is giving us time to be together when it truly matters.
Raising them is so scary to me. I always tease and say, "I know Jesus won't make me raise teenagers. I know He will come back before I have to!" What I really mean is, I am scared to death. If I think it's hard now, man oh man do I have something coming. I am fully aware of that. It also excites me. In fact, fostering teens is on our hearts. We are not in a financial spot at the moment, and we don't think our kids are ready, but our hearts are. I can not wait to get signed up. In fact, knowing that fostering is something in our future allows me to be ok (somewhat) with the fact that we may not have another biological child. I get told quite often that they couldn't handle sending them back. I know that will be hard, but I also remember that one little family for a short time can make a whole world of a difference. If I think being a mom is hard now, fostering AND having teenagers will be tough. BUT, I know that I can do anything through Christ Jesus.
I am so grateful to be the mother I am now. I fail daily. I usually go to bed hating myself for the way I was. I struggle with being a patient mom. I am also the yeller....I hate to admit that, but it's something I am working on. It is the most rewarding job though. To go to bed and snuggle with them and hear the sweet simple words, "I love you Mom! You are the best mom ever!" makes every struggle worth it. Thank you so much sweet Jesus for allowing me to raise Your children.
This is the moment that will be forever burned into my brain. My heart is overflowing with love.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Photo A Day In May {Days 1,2,4,5,&7}
I saw this post on Pinterest and I just had to join in on the fun!
This was from the original post:
This was from the original post:
Day 1- PEACE
To me, driving home and seeing my inviting yard is peaceful!
Day 2- SKYLINE
Isn't exactly what I wanted, but it works!
**Still working on Day 3**
Day 4- FUN!
Randy makes me laugh until I almost pee my pants when he is driving this thing. He is a horrible driver, which is fun for him and hilarious for me!
Randy makes me laugh until I almost pee my pants when he is driving this thing. He is a horrible driver, which is fun for him and hilarious for me!
Day 5- BIRD
Ok, technically this isn't a bird, but I don't have the best lens for a bird. So, it makes me smile b/c Ruthie thinks a bird can fit in here! :)
**Still working on Day 6**
Day 7- SOMEONE THAT INSPIRES YOU
This one was wayyyyy too easy for me. Ruthie inspires me. She inspires me to be a better mom and a better wife to teach her how to be one as well. Just look into her eyes...how could someone possibly doubt the reality of God?
Saturday, May 5, 2012
A little gift from Heaven
We were recently blessed with a new member to our family. This precious baby boy belongs to my brother Joe. My brother was very dear to me growing up. He always took care of me and loved me like nobody else. I remember when he was in 6th grade and I in Kindergarten, we were in the same building. We were on the opposite ends of the hall. He would walk me to the hallway, kiss me on the cheek and tell me to have a good day. He was my hero. In fact, I wrote something stating that he was my hero. He was just always there for me and never treated me like the annoying little sister I was. I adored him and wanted to be just like him. In fact, I used to think he would love me more if I was a boy. My reason for that- we had another person just as close to us. That was my cousin Eli. Since Eli was a boy and a few years older than me, he and Joe got along a bit better. They didn't leave me out, but there were sometimes where I would think if I was a boy he would love me more. I used to tell him that and he would get so mad! I still do it sometimes just to see his reaction!
If you have been a follower of my blog for a while or if you know me in "real life," you may know who Eli was. Eli was my best friend, along with Joe growing up. He was beyond a best friend. He was the best. He ALWAYS knew how to make people smile. He always played pranks on people and he never made anyone feel bad about anything. He was just a free spirit who everyone loved. Eli passed away on July 11th, 2008. That was a very tough year. In fact, it's still tough. I struggle with the fact of him being gone. I wonder why I have to visit him at a cemetery instead of his house. There are days when I think I might be getting some closure, but then there are days I take five steps backwards and realize I am not even close.
One thing that is making it easier is this little gift from Heaven, my nephew. My brother named him Eli. What a precious baby boy. He has stolen EVERYONE'S hearts. There is something that helps bring a bit of closure when you say the name Eli and you have a smile on your face and a bit of joy in your heart. It used to be so hard to say the name and remember that he's not here. But now he is. He's in this precious nephew I adore. I hope he plays a million pranks on Joe & Alisha and scares the crud out of his big sisters. I know big Eli is looking down on little Eli and smiling. They both have brought so much back into our lives. With that being said, let me introduce you to my precious nephew!
If you have been a follower of my blog for a while or if you know me in "real life," you may know who Eli was. Eli was my best friend, along with Joe growing up. He was beyond a best friend. He was the best. He ALWAYS knew how to make people smile. He always played pranks on people and he never made anyone feel bad about anything. He was just a free spirit who everyone loved. Eli passed away on July 11th, 2008. That was a very tough year. In fact, it's still tough. I struggle with the fact of him being gone. I wonder why I have to visit him at a cemetery instead of his house. There are days when I think I might be getting some closure, but then there are days I take five steps backwards and realize I am not even close.
One thing that is making it easier is this little gift from Heaven, my nephew. My brother named him Eli. What a precious baby boy. He has stolen EVERYONE'S hearts. There is something that helps bring a bit of closure when you say the name Eli and you have a smile on your face and a bit of joy in your heart. It used to be so hard to say the name and remember that he's not here. But now he is. He's in this precious nephew I adore. I hope he plays a million pranks on Joe & Alisha and scares the crud out of his big sisters. I know big Eli is looking down on little Eli and smiling. They both have brought so much back into our lives. With that being said, let me introduce you to my precious nephew!
This one brings such a smile to my face. Eli meant so much to my mom and dad too. My dad RARELY smiles for a pic, so you can tell he too is smitten with this little guy!
An here I am, holding a little piece of Heaven we call Eli.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Raising children...
This post has been on my mind for quite some time. Today in Sunday School, God laid it on my heart to share.
We have been participating in a study by Chip Ingram called "Effective Parenting in a Defective World." The title itself is perfect. I was so excited to just begin. I normally teach Sunday School for ages 8-10, but I asked to take some time off to study along with the adult SS class.
I am going to open my heart here. It's a very difficult thing for me to talk about....
I have expressed my feelings here to be a stay-at-home-mom. It's what I wish for. But, God has made me aware that it is not possible at this time. Who knows if it ever will be. One reason I want to be a SAHM is so I can home-school Ruthie and Randy. I absolutely hate the fact that I can't shield Ruthie's ears from the awful things she hears at school. I also hate the fact that she rides the bus with older kids and who even knows what they say. It scares me to death. I feel as though the moment Ruthie walked into Kindergarten, her innocence was lost in a way. She has heard things that just bothered her, which in turn, bothered me.
With all that being said, the other day we were driving to school. She brought up how her cousin goes to a Christian school. She asked why she can't and I had to explain to her that it's just not something we can do at the time. I told her I would love for her to go to school and have God be in her lessons and be surrounded by people who love God. She cried and cried, which of course made me cry feeling like a failure. Then, our great God laid it upon my heart to share with her something that I learned last summer from a dear family member of mine. If we took all God loving Christian kids out of public school and put them into private school, who would teach the others about God? Isn't that OUR job as Christians to spread His word? I told her that school is her mission field. I explained to her that there are kids that don't know God and who need someone to teach them. I also told her that it's not the teachers job to teach her about God, but it's mine and Randall's job to teach her. The amazing thing?? She remembered. She was telling my sister that she wants to go to a Christian school, and she told her that she also needs to stay at her school and tell the kids about Jesus. She WAS listening!!!
I am NOT saying that Christian private school is bad. Not by any means. Like my aunt told me last year- it all depends on the child. If the child is a leader- they will probably succeed in public school. If they are a follower, they will probably do better in private school. Is Ruthie a leader or follower? That I don't know just yet. I would probably say right in the middle. Am I still scared she is going to hear all kinds of things? Yes. We pray every morning before school and I pray as soon as I drop her off that God will protect her ears, hold her hands in the halls, and that angels will surround her. I also pray that she always remembers that HE is the one who matters.
Raising children today is so hard b/c the world makes it so much easier to do things the worldy ways and not God's ways. He doesn't want us to just shelter them to where they don't see it, but to allow them to see some, and teach them to be strong in their faith so when their tests come, they can stand firm in His ways.
It's my prayer that soon, Ruthie will ask Jesus into her heart. She knows what it means to be saved. She knows that He died on the cross for her, and that we are sinners, yet He loves us. We just told her that soon Jesus will be knocking on her heart asking her to let Him come in. I pray that she realizes it and that she opens her hear to Him. He's worth everything.
We have been participating in a study by Chip Ingram called "Effective Parenting in a Defective World." The title itself is perfect. I was so excited to just begin. I normally teach Sunday School for ages 8-10, but I asked to take some time off to study along with the adult SS class.
I am going to open my heart here. It's a very difficult thing for me to talk about....
I have expressed my feelings here to be a stay-at-home-mom. It's what I wish for. But, God has made me aware that it is not possible at this time. Who knows if it ever will be. One reason I want to be a SAHM is so I can home-school Ruthie and Randy. I absolutely hate the fact that I can't shield Ruthie's ears from the awful things she hears at school. I also hate the fact that she rides the bus with older kids and who even knows what they say. It scares me to death. I feel as though the moment Ruthie walked into Kindergarten, her innocence was lost in a way. She has heard things that just bothered her, which in turn, bothered me.
With all that being said, the other day we were driving to school. She brought up how her cousin goes to a Christian school. She asked why she can't and I had to explain to her that it's just not something we can do at the time. I told her I would love for her to go to school and have God be in her lessons and be surrounded by people who love God. She cried and cried, which of course made me cry feeling like a failure. Then, our great God laid it upon my heart to share with her something that I learned last summer from a dear family member of mine. If we took all God loving Christian kids out of public school and put them into private school, who would teach the others about God? Isn't that OUR job as Christians to spread His word? I told her that school is her mission field. I explained to her that there are kids that don't know God and who need someone to teach them. I also told her that it's not the teachers job to teach her about God, but it's mine and Randall's job to teach her. The amazing thing?? She remembered. She was telling my sister that she wants to go to a Christian school, and she told her that she also needs to stay at her school and tell the kids about Jesus. She WAS listening!!!
I am NOT saying that Christian private school is bad. Not by any means. Like my aunt told me last year- it all depends on the child. If the child is a leader- they will probably succeed in public school. If they are a follower, they will probably do better in private school. Is Ruthie a leader or follower? That I don't know just yet. I would probably say right in the middle. Am I still scared she is going to hear all kinds of things? Yes. We pray every morning before school and I pray as soon as I drop her off that God will protect her ears, hold her hands in the halls, and that angels will surround her. I also pray that she always remembers that HE is the one who matters.
Raising children today is so hard b/c the world makes it so much easier to do things the worldy ways and not God's ways. He doesn't want us to just shelter them to where they don't see it, but to allow them to see some, and teach them to be strong in their faith so when their tests come, they can stand firm in His ways.
It's my prayer that soon, Ruthie will ask Jesus into her heart. She knows what it means to be saved. She knows that He died on the cross for her, and that we are sinners, yet He loves us. We just told her that soon Jesus will be knocking on her heart asking her to let Him come in. I pray that she realizes it and that she opens her hear to Him. He's worth everything.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
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